Month: July 2019

For any individual to be successful at the workplace or in personal life, the ability to work together in interdependence with others is absolutely essential. We must have the ability to operate in synergy with our stakeholders.

We call this skill as Interpersonal skill.  Although we call it a skill, in reality it is a Competence and like every other competence it has a Knowledge, Skill and Attitude component.

• Knowledge about people, their background, preferences etc,
• Skill to interact, get along with others, deal with conflict, collaborate and
• Attitude of genuineness, love, concern, caring, trust, empathy, forgiveness,

At the core of all this, however lies the ability to quickly build ‘Rapport and Relationship’ and maintain it over the years.

There are very few professions where one would not need to work together with others. From a peon to director, everyone needs to interact with people (colleagues, seniors, subordinates, people from other departments, vendors, Service providers etc)

Unfortunately, people don’t give enough importance to building good relationships and therefore are unable to achieve desired level of success.

I believe that one must invest time in building relationship as the first step in any activity be it at work or at home. I have noticed that the biggest of big problems can be resolved if our relationship with people are good whereas the smallest of small problem can give us enough headache if our relationships are  bad. What this means is that the size of the problem actually doesn’t matter. What really matters is the quality of our relationships.

Lot of people believe in building need-based relations. They maintain connect only when in need. After their job is done they don’t bother to maintain connect. When such people call up someone and talk sweetly, the other person knows that this sweet talk is momentary and only to get some work done. It is more or less a conditional relationship, just to get /take something from others. I don’t think these kind of relationships really work.

Good relations are built based on a foundation of giving and not taking.

I recently came across a very insightful article by Dr. Frank Kinslow and here’s what he has written ..

*You-Me-Us*
(By Dr. Frank Kinslow)

A connection between two people is actually all about three entities.
For instance if you and I are friends, then there is the “you” entity, the “me” entity and, where we two overlap and bond, the “us” entity.

You are responsible for you and I am responsible for me and we are together responsible for that part of our lives that overlap and influence each other.

I like to represent this you – me – us triad as two overlapping circles with a shared common area between them.
The overlapping “we” area is often referred to as a vesica piscis revealed in varied disciplines from science to religion.

We are individuals beyond our relationship but when we come together we create a synergy far greater than the sum of our individual lives.
The “us”, the vesica piscis, is a vibrant, seething, presence which is created when we merge and it can live long after we separate in the moments and the memories of all those we have touched.

So what we bring to a relationship is of ultimate importance.
If the ‘YOU’ and the ‘I’ come to take from each other, they create a wounded vesica piscis, distorted by their own cravings. Those distortions are amplified many times over and are ultimately damaging to both and all that we touch.

If one of us comes to give and the other take the vesica piscis is healthier but still wanting.

However, when both come together with the idea of giving the vesica piscis miraculously transforms into an ocean of love and out of this love new and wonderful worlds are created. When we enter a relationship aware of our united non dual spirit, giving is the natural result. It really is the most amazing experience two people can have.

Unfortunately, Humans are losing the ability to give effortlessly and unconditionally. But that is easy to fix. It is after all our natural state of being.
We simply need to let our essence mingle and merge with the essence of others. Then, awash in the waves of mutual love, turn to the next waiting heart. – Dr. Frank Kinslow

Have a fantastic week ahead and build wonderful relationships that will last a lifetime.

We all consider ourselves to be responsible people. That’s the way other people would want us to be or that’s how organization’s would want their employees to be. Responsible.

Let’s try to understand what is responsibility. If we break the word Responsibility into two words, we get Response + Ability . So, Responsibility means the ability to Respond. Now let’s try to understand what is the meaning of a Response.

For that, let’s take a scenario where there is a stimulus i.e. an event, after which we need to take an action or give a reply. There are two ways in which this action can be taken.

1. Immediate or instant action after the event or stimulus
2. Action that is taken after a short delay or Gap

Now, most people tell me that an instant action would be better. However this is where I differ.

An instant action is called as a Reaction, as show in the figure below:

The problem with a reaction is that it is instant, and therefore doesn’t allow us time to think and apply our mind before taking the action or decision or giving a reply. Therefore there is a chance that our action might not be a very thoughtful one and we might have to repent later.

In contrast, an action that is taken after a Gap is called as a Response. This is shown in the figure below

Here, the GAP gives us time to think and consciously choose our response.

Dr. Viktor Frankl has very rightly stated that between a stimulus and a response, there lies a gap, and in that gap lies the power to choose our response and in that response lies our growth and freedom.

If we consider ourselves to be responsible, we must consciously respond every time. This means that every time there is a stimulus, we must stop for a moment, think and then consciously take a decision or make a choice of our action.

People who think that a Gap means a delay have misunderstood the concept. This Gap is not a delay, it is a small amount of time, in most cases a few seconds, a few minutes, a few hours, or in some rare cases a couple of days. Nothing more. The Gap is a time duration just adequate to be able to take a good decision pertaining to the matter at hand.

Some people tell me that in Emergencies one cannot keep a gap and therefore will end up reacting. What I would like to remind such people is that emergency teams too are called as Emergency Response teams and not emergency React Teams.

This means that in Emergencies too people are essentially expected to respond.

Except that in such cases the gap will be very small, probably a few seconds. This is made possible by training these teams so well that the same decisions that we would need minutes to take, these people can take in seconds. They are  made aware of all possible scenarios and decision S.O.P is made in advance or by some people is made on the spot based on their experience. This ensures that even in an emergency, the decision is taken properly .

The problem is that some people simply don’t know how to ensure this GAP in day to day situations. A simple solution is that when people ask you to come up with your reply immediately, simply ask for some time. Tell them..”Can I get back to you in 5 minutes or 10 minutes” . You are not asking for a Day or Week, 5-10 minutes is reasonable and ideally justified to make a choice.

So, let’s promise ourselves to always ‘Respond’ and never ‘React’. That way we will never have to repent on things that we shouldn’t have said or things that we shouldn’t have done. That way we can also claim to be Responsible.

 

Here’s a very interesting concept called Locus of control which can have a very big impact on one’s success in life.

Locus of control gives an idea about the extent to which an individual feels that he/she is in control of their lives and things that are happening to them.

In the context of Locus of Control (LOC) There are three types of people in this world:

1. Luck LOC people
2. External LOC People
3. Internal LOC people

Let’s have a look at each type and the consequence of being that type:

1. Luck LOC:

People who have a ‘Luck LOC’ believe that everything that happens to them is a matter of luck. They are firm believers of Fate, Destiny, Luck, God, etc and believe that that is what controls everything and they have absolutely no control on their life and what happens to them.

2. External LOC: 

People who have an ‘External LOC’ believe that everything that happens to them because of others. It could be their parents, teachers, colleagues, friends, boss, customers or practically anyone but not themselves. They too like the earlier case, believe that they have very little or almost no control on what is happening to them.

3. Internal LOC:

People who have an ‘Internal LOC’ in contrast to the above two types have a firm belief that they themselves have a high degree of control on whatever is happening in their life, and if anything Good or Bad is happening it is due to their action or inaction.

Let’s now understand the outcome of the above three types of LOC.

Luck LOC people when confronted with failure or success, simply attribute it to their fate, destiny or god. Success too is attributed to Luck and same is with failure. They never take ownership of their actions, and happily declare that things just happened because it was destined to happen that way. They also do not take any action to correct the situation apart from hoping that their luck would be better next time. Some people  will probably pray to god more or increase their offerings to god for him to bless them with better luck next time.

External LOC people end up attributing their success or even failure to other people. If they succeed, then it’s because of others (that’s ok in a sense since it at least looks nice and humble) but when they face failure, they blame others for it. They blame their parents, teachers, boss, company, country, policies, environment, other events etc. etc. the list is endless. They are experts in playing the Blame Game. Everyone else is responsible for the problem except they themselves. These people too, don’t take any corrective action.  They just hope that others will do the needful and others will behave better and be more supportive next time.

Internal LOC people in contrast, are the ones who take ownership for whatever has happened in life. Whether it is success or failure. In both cases, they take ownership. When faced with failure, they never blame others or their luck but instead think about what incorrect action THEY took and how THEY can do it better next time. They identify specific actions that need to be taken and implement those.

In my view, to be successful in life, we must have a dominant Internal Locus of Control. I am not saying that we must take 100% blame. That would be unreasonable, since circumstances, other people  and luck do play a certain role at times. but that can be limited to 10% -20% or at the most 30% . However, majorly we must take ownership for our actions and our decisions and their outcome, and then identify what WE need to do differently next time to lead us to success.

Wish you a wonderful day ahead !!

In my last post, I have written about the importance of having one’s profession in one’s area of interest. However, there are a couple of other factors that also matter, which decide whether you’ll be successful  in that profession over the long term.

The Ikigai, as shown in the Venn diagram above is an area where four circles overlap. The four circles represent the following four factors:

1. What we love to do
2. What we are good at
3. What the world needs
4. What we can get paid for

As mentioned earlier, the start point is to identify what we love to do. i.e. our areas of interest. We need to find out all those things which we would enjoy doing if we were supposed to do it for a lifetime. Very often there could be multiple areas that meet this criteria.

The next thing that we need to check is whether this is something that the world needs today as well as in the long term. It may not necessarily be something that the entire world needs but may be something that a specific set of people or companies require.

We also need to check if we could get paid for doing this task, and if yes, how much? would it be enough to ensure a good income that can take care of our current and future expenses.

Then finally, we need to check if we have the ability or skill related to that area. We are checking for skill a the end, since it the first three are fulfilled, then developing skill is something that can definitely be done if we are willing to put in the required time, money and effort.

Think about this, would it be of any use if our profession was in our area of interest but if the world didn’t need it or if we couldn’t get paid for it. Would we be happy if we were in a profession that was needed by the world, we got paid for it, but we weren’t interested in it. That would make our professional life boring.

We also need to take into consideration paradigm shifts since often, over a period of time, certain professions simply move out of the circle “Does the world need this” i.e. certain products or services just become redundant over the years.

To see what happens when our choice fulfills three of the criteria but not all four, check out the figure below.

I chose Training in the field of Leadership, Behavioral and Soft Skills, since it fulfilled all the four criteria. I was passionate about Training, The world needs it, I could get paid for it and therefore consciously developed the skill required to deliver training and keep trying to learn something new so that my skill remains updated all the while.

My work in the areas of Healing also fulfills all the 4 criteria. I am passionate about healing, I have developed the skill and have helped more than 450-500 people to heal, People need healing and are willing to pay for it. Although right now, I don’t look at is as a source of earning, who knows ..this could possibly become a significant source of earning some day.

I recommend that you too use the Ikigai model to choose your profession and trust me, you’ll be happy and successful for a lifetime. Have a nice day ahead !!

Choosing one’s profession  is a decision  that can majorly impact not only the financial success and well being of an individual but also the happiness and satisfaction that he/she experiences in life.

I have observed that many people often get their first job based on chance than choice.  In case of most campus placements, boys and girls recruited from their campuses are not aware of their exact job profile. The only thing they know is the organization they are joining. In several cases they don’t even know their location of posting. All those details are disclosed later by the organization. People often end up doing jobs that they never wanted to do.

I know people who ended up spending years in a particular domain, area or profile just because their first job got them into that field and then, time and again, in their subsequent shifts they got pushed into the same field, whether they wanted it or not. Very few are able to shift into their area of interest.

I have observed that when an individual works in a field that he/she is interested in and passionate about, even 12 hours of a stressful work schedule does not create fatigue whereas when one is working in a field that is not their area of interest, just four hours are enough to get them tired.

I recommend everyone to choose his/her profession primarily based on their area of interest. That will ensure that they remain happy, enthusiastic, energetic and engaged on their job every day. Such people eagerly wait for Mondays so as to get back to their exciting workplaces and are not waiting for Weekends to rejuvenate themselves after a dull, boring and stressful week at work.

However, finding one’s area of interest is also a challenge and then building one’s profession around that is another challenge. I have noticed that in many cases people don’t give a thought to the above as a result of which their areas of interests remain simply as hobbies which they indulge in only once in a while, when they have spare time. Their jobs and their interests are in two completely different areas.

Later in life, with multiple roles and responsibilities, and when time is a major constraint, we completely forget about our areas of interest and hobbies for years together, often till our retirement. Most often, by that time it is too late to start.

So ask yourself, is there any way by which I can identify my passion areas and then invest time in finding out how I can build my profession in that area. I consider myself very lucky that I got an opportunity to build my career in the area of Training and Development which was my area of interest. I thoroughly enjoy my work and even after 8 hours of standing and delivering training, I am fully charged and never tired.

I hope the universe helps you too in achieving the same. Good Luck to you !!

In my next post, I will share a very interesting approach using which one should choose his / her profession. It is called the  Ikigai (in Japanese).